Wild Care Bear

If she's not running on the kitchen table,
she's climbing out of her crib.
If she's not scaling the shelves,
she's catapulting herself over the baby gate.
If she's not climbing into the bottom rack of the dishwasher,
she's climbing into the top rack.
If she's not jumping up and down on Josh's bed,
she's dancing on the coffee table.
If she's not sitting in a dresser drawer,
she's hurling herself onto the toilet.
If she's not standing on the toybox,
she's launching herself off the couch.

My Girl.

I love her like crazy.

Toddler Times

I look at him, asleep in my arms, and see the thousand laughs we've shared. Not the 24 time outs he had this morning alone. I see us splashing in the pool, jumping in the leaves, stomping in the snow & smelling the flowers of 3 years. Not the meltdown on the library floor. I see us playing hide & seek, strumming our guitars, & reading "No Matter What" one more time. Not him line-driving his sister into the refrigerator. I see bathtub waterfalls & mudpuddles. Silly songs & holding hands. I see a boy who will not always be a headstrong toddler, but will always, always be the light of my life.

NYR

My New Year's Resolutions (for perusal & ridicule)

1. To make a daily effort to focus on joy. OK, this isn't exactly measurable, but mood certainly follows perception and it's so easy to forget your bliss.
2. To cease & desist in my dozen-cookie-a-day habit... the holidays are over, man! South Beach is a callin'. And I'm about 25# over wedding weight!
3. To recycle whenever possible, even though the recycle bins are damn near 20 feet from the actual garbage --save the planet! And get fit while doing it!
4. To actually live within our budget --that means no charge card, no depleting savings, no pilfering from the kids' accounts (how'd they get so rich, anyway?). This should also help goal #2, as my addictions aren't cheap!
5. To just relax! ie, Focus on the kids' smiling faces at the park, rather than launching an attack of photography (Look at Mommy, Josh! Look at Mommy! Look! JOSH!!!)
6. To go to church weekly, unless we're out of town, have out of town guests, or are sick. It's either important, or it's not.
7. To entertain at least monthly in some capacity.
8. To increase my volunteering --and in a way that Josh & Cara can witness & as a result, be oh, so inspired.
9. To leave Eric with a prepared, healthy (if not delicious) dinner and bathed kids when I leave to teach each evening.
10. To embrace my flaws --I am the one who is still sewing Halloween costumes as guests are arriving for the party; who comes up with her lesson plans while driving to class; who wipes Cara's nose on her sleeve and then doesn't change her shirt; who notices the dirt under the toy box everyday --but never actually cleans it; who... oh, you get the picture.

And if nothing else, how's this: In 2009, I will at least moisturize.

Mei

It could be today. It could be tomorrow. It could be any time now. That our daughter is born.

In order to stagger our children's ages --for both their autonomy & our sanity-- our adoption application requests a daughter born after 1/1/09. Today! The thought of this --of her-- is tear jerking, in both its joy...and sadness. Joy because she is certain to fill our hearts and our lives with incredible love and happiness. Joy because she will be another child to love. Joy because I love her already. Sadness because she is likely to spend the better part of her first year in a back-country Chinese orphanage --possibly cold, possibly hungry, possibly sick, & definitely without the gentle, loving touch of a mother to hold her, to rock her, to whisper possibilities in her ear. Definitely without me.

But I choose to focus on the joy. On seeing her picture for the first time. On our eyes meeting. On holding her tight in my arms. On bringing her home where she belongs. Hurry home, Mei. Your mother --your life-- if waiting.

Worth a Thousand (curse) Words

There will be crying. There will be screaming. There will be bribery. There will be pleading.

There will be grown adults leaping through the air, bursting into song & dance.

But one thing's for certain: There will NOT be smiling. Or posing on cue. Or even fleeting eye contact with the camera.

Oh, yes, it's holiday portrait time!

This year I took both kids --solo-- to 3 different portrait studios in as many weeks and also enlisted a friend to take in-home shots. That is the labor intensive reality of managing one sitting-still-looking-at-the-camera-and-actually-smiling photo when the subjects are aged 1 & 2. I wistfully recall taking 9-month-old Joshua for Christmas pictures --my beaming baby, clad only in a red diaper cover and Santa hat, cooperative, charming, and oh, so adorable. The photos make my heart leap to this day. Ah, those were the days --photographically speaking. Fast forward to last year, when I took a rambunctious 1 year old and a colicky 2 month old --alone again (Eric's no fool) for Christmas pictures. Because Cara screamed continuously when not being held by me, the photographer ingeniously placed me under a black cloak so I could cuddle Cara on the sly. Said sheet did not cover my ever unruly hair, which jutted out from under my shroud of darkness in every direction. Nothing says Noel like a frizzy headed mother holding a howling infant. Wearing a burqa. Oh, and I lost my purse that day in the parking lot. Good times. This year's photo didn't have quite the drama --unless you count my fruitless pleas for smiles --Come on! I grew you from seeds! 35 hours of combined labor! Or Cara's blatant insistence that her red hair bow be tossed continuously across the room. In the end, I emerged from Target, unscathed, with still-happy children and 108 adorable holiday cards.

Because, really, when the photo involves this much effort, it should be shared with the masses.

Brotherly Love

He pushes her. He screeches when she so much as looks at his newly constructed block tower. He gives her a "haircut" with pliers. He tackles her and sits on her neck. He swings her to the floor by her head. He persuades her out of her crackers every chance he gets.

But... he holds her hand in the car. He tries to put on her shoes. He says, "I love my sister!" without provocation. He brings her her sippy cup. He says, "Carrraaa! You're so silly!" over every little thing she does. He comes into her room while I'm trying to put her down for a nap to holler "Have a good dream!" He fishes the confiscated paper towel roll out of the trash for her because he's "sad when Cara cries." And when he heard her guttoral cries of early infancy he would quietly say, "It's okay, Cara, I'm right here."

Big brothers. May they always be right there.

WAY BACK MACHINE, circa 2006 -part deux

Before Joshua, I Never Knew... (the flip side!)

...that it could take until noon to find time to eat breakfast.
...that I could simultaneously operate a double breast pump, rock a baby to sleep and do my taxes.
...that breastfeeding a baby is a full time job.
...that the fact that my son is mesmorized by the lines on my headboard is NO indication of his intelligence.
...that there comes a point when you just don't care how many "lactation consultants" squeeze your boobs.
...that being vomited on at 2am is just not as much fun as it was at age 21.
...that baby boys actually take great delight in urinating all over their mothers.
...that two hours of consecutive sleep would be considered a victory.
...that an 8 pound human would necessitate a continuous stream of laundry.
...that the human nipple can stretch beyond your wildest imagination when something startes your baby during breastfeeding.
...that a trip to the bank or post office can feel like a vacation.
...that it is all (even the stretch-marked skin that is still hanging down to my knees) worth it.